Lousy husband barely supporting his children

Dear Pastor,

When I was 26 years old, I wrote to you about my stepfather who was always abusing my mother. At the same time, he was also trying to get at me.

I asked you not to publish the letter because I was afraid that he may see it. You gave me good advice, and I have continued to read your column. This man and my mother broke up and my mother and I are living in New York.

I am writing to you now about my husband. When I met him, he behaved as if he was a good man. He took me everywhere. We have two children together. He is a cab driver and he does not support his children. I am sorry I got married to him, and I told him so. He curses a lot and he describes me as a black 'so and so and so'. I moved out and I have filed for a divorce.

My mother used to live on her own but now she has moved in with me to help me with the children. Sometimes for days I do not see this man. Now that he is forced to give me child support, he calls and begs me not to put him in prison. There is nothing good about this man. He is of light complexion. When he tells me about my blackness, I ask him if he did not see that when he was 'riding my stomach'. His two children hate him and I always have to be reminding them that he is their father.

Since coming to America, I have met two of my siblings and they have been very good to me. My father is not well, but he is still able to do a little work and he is not a burden to his children. The church he attends helps him a lot. But I don't like his church; the people are too controlling.

I would like to get married again after I get my divorce. I am dating a guy from Guyana. He is nice, but very jealous. I told him that I have been very faithful to him so he needs not be fearful that he will lose me. My boys like him very much.

Is there anything in the Bible that should prevent me from marrying this man?

S.M.

Dear S.M.,

I am glad to hear that you are doing well, and although you have had a broken marriage, you are coping fairly well. You have been a reader of my column for a very long time. I am glad it has helped you.

Do not spare your husband if he refuses to support his children. He has described you in a very derogatory way which I will not print. He is out of order and rude. The colour of his skin doesn't mean anything. He is an empty-headed fellow, and he needs to go back to school. He also needs to learn how to treat a woman. Your church does not believe in divorce. It has its rules and the members can keep those rules to themselves. Some rules are not biblically sound, so don't allow what they believe about divorce and remarriage to cause you not to remarry.

Pastor