Teen throwing herself at my husband

Dear Pastor,

I have two children and my husband wants me to have two more. However, I am not interested. From the time we met, I told him that I did not want to have more than two children; one boy and one girl.

I have two boys. My husband says he loves his boys, but the boys belong to me and he will not be satisfied until he gets a girl, because the girl would be his. I told him that is foolish talk, but he said the African tradition and belief is that girls belong to their father and boys to their mother.

Pastor, I am 36 years old. I have struggled a lot. When I met my husband he was not working in a permanent job, but we put things together. I am not a fussy woman, so I saved and saved and saved, and my husband was satisfied with whatever we had to eat. He is very health-conscious.

These days, my husband continues to harass me about getting pregnant again. He said we should at least try to get a girl. Our boys are doing very well in school. My husband has a good job now and it comes with a car, so he takes me to work and he picks me up. But he has admitted that women are flocking him since he is driving this lovely vehicle from the company. These women think that the car is his. He has this thing where he cannot seem to say no to those who are asking him for a favour.

This man has become very friendly with one of my friends. I know she doesn't stand a chance to get him to go to bed with her. She is fat, but she has a 16-year-old daughter. I don't know what is happening to these girls nowadays, but this little girl has fallen in love with my husband. You may asked me how I found out. Well, I went into his phone and I saw her number and text messages that she sent to him, telling him how much she loves him.

My first reaction was: these texts must be from her mother, but they were not, they came from her. So I asked my husband why this girl is sending him text messages and he said she must be just kidding around. I told him that I will speak to her mother and show her the messages, but my husband begged me not to do so. I asked him how far he has gone with this girl. He said he had only held her hand and hugged her, and he has picked her up from school a few times.

I don't know my husband to be a cheater, but I don't think that he would let the opportunity pass him by to have sex with this girl. Don't you think that I should tell her mother what I have seen, and ask her to warn her daughter to stay away from my husband?

T.

Dear T.,

Let me begin by saying that if you do not want to have any more children, you shouldn't. In today's world, any woman who doesn't want to have children can avoid getting pregnant. Before your husband and yourself got married, both of you agreed that you will have two children. I rather suspect that you were thinking that you will have one boy and one girl. Well, it did not happen that way, you have had two boys. Now your husband wants a girl.

It is indeed a common belief that boys are for their mother and girls are for their father. You should bear in mind that you are the parents of these children and you should be happy with them.

As it relates to the issue with your husband and this teenager, I wonder what she sees in him that is causing her to want to have an affair with him. I know that some young ladies are attracted to men who carry themselves well, who speak well, and drive a lovely car. But this girl is only 16 years old and she is looking at a married man.

Don't allow your husband to fool you. Even if this girl took the initiative to talk to him, and to tell him that she loves him, he should have nipped this matter in the bud, so to speak. He should have reminded her that he is married, and she should concentrate on her lessons because he is not interested in her, period. He did not take that approach. If he had taken that approach, you would not have seen any inappropriate text from her. So he has encouraged the relationship by not letting her know initially that he is not interested.

You are wondering whether you should talk to her mother about the situation. Your husband says that you shouldn't. I would encourage you to speak to her and to try to find out how far the relationship has gone. But you should also be very stern. You should keep a watchful eye on your husband. Remember that by his behaviour, it is likely that he would go to any woman who likes him. He said something to this 16 year old girl that has encouraged her to text him and to tell him that she loves him. That is how I see it.

Pastor