Lost my virginity to my friend’s guy

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have been carrying the feeling of guilt for more than a year. I have my closest friend and we are like sisters. Sometimes she sleeps at our house.

My parents accept her as my sister and her parents accept me as their daughter. We did a very shameful thing. My parents were away for a weekend, and my brother went to spend some time with one of his school friends. My girlfriend's boyfriend came to the house and we played games and were just fooling around. We had too much to drink. I ended up having sex with my girlfriend's boyfriend, and she had sex wit him too. I was a virgin, so he took my virginity that night. My girlfriend blamed me for having sex with him. She said when she saw him on top of me, she tried to wake me up, but I was lifeless, so she left me alone.

I am still her friend, but I have a boyfriend and having sex with me is something he is looking forward to because he thinks that I am a virgin. But I am not a virgin any more, and whenever I think of the way I lost my virginity, guilt takes over. My friend's boyfriend told me that I do not need to feel guilty because his girlfriend was not a virgin, so it was another man who took her virginity.

One day my boyfriend and I were talking and I told him that I had something to tell him, but he said he hoped that it was something good. He said if it was not something good, he did not want to hear it. I told him that it was not something good, so I would keep it to myself. My boyfriend had other girlfriends. I know that because he told me so. But I doubt that he would want to know that I gave my virginity away to my friend's boyfriend and robbed him of the pleasure of being my first.

P.A.

Dear P.A.,

Girls can be very naughty at times, especially when parents are not around and they are left alone. Your girlfriend and you got a little careless with this young man.

You had too much to drink, and as we say in Jamaica, you can't hold your liquor because you were young and perhaps you were not accustomed to drinking. This was not a threesome and perhaps the young man had sex with his girlfriend before he came to you. When your friend realised that the young man was having sex with you, she tried to wake you up, but you did not budge. I wonder why she did not push him off you; that would have been the correct thing to do.

Don't condemn yourself; it has already happened. You are not under any obligation to tell your boyfriend of that experience. Telling him may give you temporary relief, but you are not under any obligation to do so. Next time be very careful.

Pastor