Tired of my spouse and mother-in-law

Dear Pastor,

I wrote to you before about my spouse. I was feeling a little uncomfortable with your response that I should leave him. Honestly now, I truly believe you and wish I could give you a thank you gift.

My mistake was buying a home with him. I did it because of the children. God forbid something should happen to me, because I would not want them homeless. His mother is one mischievous woman. Even after forgiving her, out of respect, for how she treated me in the past, she has the nerve to visit our home in my presence and tell her son all sorts of rubbish. She told him that he is struggling financially and has to find a new spouse so that maybe that will change his luck. She went as far as to tell him that he should get a home in the ghetto, where she lives on captured land. What kind of mother does not celebrate her son's achievements? She said that she even wished God could strike him dead.

I truly want your advice. I want to cut her off completely, and possibility her son too. He is very ungrateful, too. I just have to accept this was a mistake and move on with my children. God will take care of us. All my life he has been my support and help. Thank you for the lovely work you are doing. Blessings, pastor.

S.K.

Dear S.K.,

Thanks for writing again. You say you were not very happy with my response to the last letter you sent to me. But I cannot make any apologies for what I said.

I weigh every matter carefully before I respond. So if a writer does not like the response I give, he or she should not expect an apology from me. I am glad, however, that you have come to realise that my suggestion was good, and you are now ready to move on. I don't like telling a writer that she should leave her man, neither do I like telling a man that he should leave his woman. But there comes a time when separation is the best way to go.

I don't like divorce, but divorce is a necessary evil, and it is better for a couple who cannot get along to end their marriage by divorce. Sometimes when people remarry, they enjoy a better relationship with someone new. But before they think of getting a divorce, they should do everything possible to keep the marriage, such as seeking professional help, and even separating for a short period of time and coming back together. Some women are not easy for men to live with, and some men are not easy for women to live with, either. Some women try to control men, and some men try to control women. That is the wrong way to go in a relationship. A man cannot change his wife; neither can a woman change her husband. They have to learn to live in peace and accept each other as they are. My prayers are with you. I am glad you purchased a home. If you were to divorce your husband, you will not be left out in the cold. Your attorney would advice you what can be done. Do what is right, and God will do the rest for you.

Pastor