Thinking of giving this guy a chance

Dear Pastor,

I wrote to you before regarding a relationship which ended badly after finding out my partner had a secret relationship with another woman and got her pregnant.

You gave me sound advice. That was a year ago and since then, I haven’t been able to trust anyone so I have remained single. Recently, I met a young man who says he likes me. I admire him because he is a Christian and is hard-working. My concern is that he is two years younger than I am. I am 30. I attended university and I am in a good job. I make more money than this man. But that doesn’t bother me much. Because of my past bad experiences, I am afraid to make a mistake and regret it because I want to get married and have a family. Other men have tried to have a relationship with me, but I didn’t like their approach and some I could tell were not serious.

What I am asking therefore is your guidance and, what do you think about a woman dating someone younger than herself?

J.

Dear J.,

It has been about a year ago that you ended the relationship with the young man you found out was in another relationship and got a girl pregnant.

You have not given yourself much time to totally get over that relationship. You are almost into another one. Yes, you have been very cautious, but I think that you should give yourself more time before you commit yourself to another man. Most men are liars and although you are 30, you seem not to realise that men like to play around with as many women as possible. They expect women not to question their behaviour because what they do is a ‘man thing’.

A woman should not be in a hurry to give herself over to a man even in friendship. She should go out with him on dates and if he is lying and only wants to get under her skirt, she will find out. I will tell you this much, when a man wants to get under a girl’s skirt and he finds it difficult, he may even shed some tears. If she is not careful, she would feel sorry for him. That is why a woman should not be in a hurry to give the man the impression that she is in such a hurry to get married.

This young man you have met recently has impressed you. You say that he is a Christian and hard-working. I am glad that he is a Christian. Do you believe that he is born again? If the man is a true Christian, you should ask yourself how committed he is to his Lord and to his church. Is he in debt? You must find out whether he has savings. He is only two years younger than you. He ought to tell you what he does with his money. How does this man relate to his mother? Is he living alone? Has he fathered any children? If he is 28, he probably had girlfriends before you. When was the last time he was with a woman?

He shouldn’t be upset hearing those questions from you if he is serious about you. Does this man have a car or would he depend on your car (I am assuming that you have one). If both of you were to be married, in what area would you live? A two-bedroom apartment in a middle class area would cost more than $100,000. Can both of you afford that type of rent?

Any man you meet who does not want to answer these types of questions is joking around. Run them; they are time wasters.

Pastor