I do not like it when men call my girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 29-year-old man and I have been in a relationship with a 27-year-old woman for the past two years. Both of us are working, and she never pressures me for anything. She lives with her parents, while I live alone, but she stays with me on some weekends.

Recently, she told me that she feels it is time for us to get married. She said that unless we are married, she would not live with me. She believes we are compatible and told me that, apart from my jealousy, I should make her a good husband.

It is true that I get jealous when we are together. I do not like it when men I do not know call her and engage her in long conversations. I tell her she can say hello and move on, but sometimes she asks them about their schoolmates or other personal details. I know I am very fortunate to have this girl. We both have good jobs, love each other, and our families are supportive and her parents have accepted me, and my parents love her. My mother even told me I should not let this girl slip away.

When I was 19, I fathered a daughter. The mother of my child still has feelings for me, but she knows I have a girlfriend, and my girlfriend has accepted my daughter.

My girlfriend's parents do not yet know about my daughter, but I plan to tell them before marriage so they won't be surprised later. I asked my daughter's mother if my daughter could attend the wedding and even participate as a flower girl, but she refused. My girlfriend has said she would have no objection to this.

Another challenge is that my girlfriend grew up Pentecostal, while I am Moravian. She wants me to be baptised in her church, but I cannot leave my own church, which causes arguments between us. I cannot see myself being baptised in her church.

Earlier this year, I visited her church and during an altar call, a few women tried to encourage me to go forward. When I refused, one of them began to rebuke me, so I left and waited in my car. My girlfriend later apologised for their behaviour, saying they only wanted to get me saved. I told her I would not return to her church and that if we married, she would need to attend mine. Aside from this, we are very compatible.

M.J.

Dear M.J.,

Compatibility is crucial for a lasting relationship, but it is ultimately up to the couple to decide whether they are compatible. I once knew a matriarch who fell in love with a gardener. Her friends laughed at her choice. When some friends visited her home, she prepared her husband, warning him to only say "hello," because he did not speak Standard English, and she did not want to be embarrassed.

To outsiders, they seemed incompatible, she was a professional nurse who had risen in her field, and he was still cutting grass and working as a hustler. Yet, genuine love and respect mattered more than social perception. If this matriarch had married a doctor, people might have called them compatible, or if a teacher married another teacher, others would say the same - but that doesn't automatically mean true compatibility.

A woman should know what she wants in a man, and a man should know what he wants in a woman. The Bible warns against being unequally yoked, which is why premarital counselling is so important.

Regarding your church conflict: those Pentecostal women acted foolishly and overstepped by trying to tell you that you were not saved simply because you are Moravian. Not all Pentecostals behave this way, but their behaviour was inappropriate. If you and your girlfriend choose to marry, seek premarital counselling - but avoid those who acted recklessly.

Pastor