One-night stand flew off and left me pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I have a problem. I have been living with a man for three years, but we are not married. I have one child. People think that the child is his, but the child is not.

He took me when the child was six months old. When I tried to find the man who got me pregnant, I found out that he had left Jamaica.

I did not know this man well; it was a one-night stand. But even while we were having a good time on the bed, he kept saying how I was sweet and he would love for us to get married.

When we finished having sex, I realised that the condom broke. I was worried, but he said I shouldn't be because he would take care of me. I believed him. But he left for America one week after we had sex.

His sister gave me a number and when I called it, I was told that he was not living there but they could take a message. I begged the lady who answered the phone to tell him that I was in trouble, so I needed to talk to him. I did not hear from him, so I called back two days later and the phone rang without an answer. I called every day for about a week, but no one answered. So I stopped calling. His sister who gave me the number left for America, too, and she has never contacted me.

This man I am living with is an old classmate. I ran into him at the supermarket and we were glad to see each other. He asked me how things were going and I told him my sad story. We started to talk on the phone every day. I was staying with relatives and I knew I could not stay with my big stomach, so I asked the guy if I could stay with him. He said he only had one room and one three-quarter bed. I went to look at the place and I never left. He purchased a double bed. When I had the baby, he slept on a chair, and then he bought a crib. I registered the child in his name. Most of his relatives believe that he is the biological father.

This man is not very bright, but he can help himself, and I have grown to love him. His mother keeps the baby while I am at work, but she does not know my story. She loves me. She is always encouraging me to take good care of her son. She has taught me to bake and to cook certain dishes. I would like my son to know his biological father when he grows up, but this man tells me as he sees it -- that that wouldn't be necessary. Please give me your advice.

M.

Dear M.,

You are a very fortunate young woman. This man who went to bed with you tricked you. Perhaps he told his sister that he suspected that he got you pregnant, so she should not give any information on him. You got a number from one of his sisters to reach him, but that meant nothing. He is a wicked fellow. But I repeat, you are a fortunate young woman.

You met an old schoolmate who took you on as his lover and has been caring for you and your child. You say that he is not bright, and I believe that you meant that he is not an educated man. However, he is bright enough to choose you as his woman, and you are intelligent enough to take care of him.

You have registered the child in this man's name and he does not see the need for the child to know his biological father. Perhaps the day may come when the child is old enough to understand what transpired. There are many years ahead for you to consider doing so, but surely not now. It is not for you to say anything to this man's mother. She loves you and is assisting you, and I beg you to show her all the respect you can. Try and go back to school and graduate. Consider a programme from HEART until you are in a better position financially.

Pastor