Tired of waiting for my man to propose

Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column. I have been doing so for a long time. I am in my late 20s and I have two children. Both of them are in prep school.

It is very expensive, but their father can afford to pay their fees. I am working and trying my best to help their father to pay the mortgage. I say 'help him' because when we met, he had just paid down on this house and I had nothing to do with it.

He is not a fussy man. Some men are always quarrelling with their women, but he has no time for that. He goes to work and when he comes home, he goes on his computer and is doing some private business. Sometimes I have to remind him that he has to spend some time with me; even a short period of time is good enough for me.

The children love their father. He is planning to send us on vacation this summer. He said that that would give him a break, because I am too miserable. I am not too miserable, but this man is going to allow work to kill him. My man is very ambitious. He is hoping to buy another house and to rent it out. I get along well with his sibling and his parents. His father is a farmer and they live in Clarendon. He sends ground provisions for us often. I love his family very much. They do not fuss and fight.

However, I cannot get this man to plan a wedding date. Whenever I ask him about marriage, he says that the time is going to come when he will do so, and nobody will take my place. I know he does not have another woman, but I want him to make the commitment before I am 30. His parents got married 10 years ago, so I suspect that he is following their example. I don't want to get old before I am married. Do you have any suggestions?

M.T.

Dear M.T.,

Stay with this man. Continue to be good to him. Encourage him to take some time off. But don't push him to make a commitment to you by getting married.

He has already committed himself to you verbally, and it is only a matter of time before both of you go before a marriage officer and make this relationship legal, so to speak.

I knew a couple who were together for many years. They had children together, but the man would not marry the woman. One day he came home and she was gone. She stayed away for a few days and he was going crazy. He could not figure out where she went. He called her relatives and nobody knew where she was. He checked everywhere in the house and her clothes were there. But after a few days, she came back.

Of course, he was happy to see her. "Where were you?" he enquired. "You had me worried" and he went on. She quietly said, "I have been here with you for 'x' amount of years and all I am getting from you were promises that you will marry me." She added, "So I contacted a former boyfriend that I have had and he has always wanted to marry me. I went to visit him and to enquire of him whether he still loves me and will marry me."

Her children's father broke down. He asked, "Did you really go to see this man? She said yes; and I will not say what the rest of the story is. Right there, he knew that he was losing this wonderful woman who tried to be true to him, but came to the place where she became fed up and was willing to take chances with another man. Then and there, the wedding date was set. All the plans were made for their wedding and they got married.

This woman was not prepared to just live and wait on the man any more; she was tired of waiting, so she took action. What she was really saying was, 'I could get me another man, I am tired of waiting on you, and you are a time-waster.'

I am not telling you to take that risk, but you can surely tell this man that you are tired of waiting, and you may move on if he is not serious about marrying you.

Pastor