My mother-in-law hates me

Dear Pastor,

I am a 32-year-old woman and I was in a relationship with a man who is 40. He was married, but he and his wife got divorced. They never had children.

He told me that he did not want to have children out of wedlock, because he grew up in a church and he was told that it was a great blessing from above when children have both parents in the home. When we got together, he told me that he would like to try to get me pregnant. I told him it would cost him, but I was only joking. I was paying student loan and it was hard on me. He decided to pay it and to pay half my rent. He told me that there were no other women in his life. He took the AIDS test to prove that he was clean. And bang, I missed my period. When I told him, he said that could not be true. But we both found out that I was pregnant for him.

This child looks just like him. We have one problem though, and that is his mother. This man is her only child. She has tried to get her son to go with another woman, but he doesn't like her. So she has threatened him that if he does not break up with me, she is not going to leave the house to him in her will. His father is dead, so he doesn't have a say. His mother is still working, but he tries to give her money every month. I have never disrespected this woman.

PAY HER

Recently, we wanted to go out and he asked his mother if she could keep the baby for a couple of hours. She told him that we would have to pay her. So I got one of my friends to keep the baby for free. Imagine, the child's grandmother refused to keep the child for free just because she does not like me. She is a leader in her church and she speaks in tongues. How could a tongue-speaking woman not show love to her grandchild? She told her son that he should leave me and marry the girl she likes because she comes from good pedigree, and her parents have money.

My parents are poor, but they have done their best to help me. I love my boyfriend and I always remind him that when he told me he loved me, I told him it would cost him. He doesn't complain. He pays half the rent and he gives me money. We have talked about marriage, but I am not sure we should get married because, with a mother-in-law like this, I might not be happy. Before I became pregnant, there was another guy who wanted me and I told him no, because of this man. Sometimes I wonder whether I made a mistake. Please help me.

V.S.

Dear V.S.,

What help are you asking me to give you? This man is old enough to make his own decisions, and you are old enough to stand on your own.

When you met, you told him that you were paying student loan and for both of you to become lovers, he would have to assist you, and he agreed. You also told him about your rent and that you would expect him to pay half; and he agreed to that, too.

From the tone of your letter, both of you are living together, and I want you to know that it is not unusual for some mothers to try to control their sons. Some grandmothers are happy to have grandchildren and they will give them just about everything that they have. I went to do business in a store a couple of years ago and the cashier was an 80-year-old woman. She told me of other women who were about her age and older working in the store. She said she continued to work because she wanted to help her grandchildren.

Your mother-in-law does not have that type of love for her grandchild, so it would be dangerous to leave your child with her. If this man wants to marry you, you should accept his proposal. Both of you should go for counselling sessions before you get married. Keep out of her way. Don't give the impression to your child's father that you don't love her. Unless you are invited to her house, don't go there.

Pastor