Lost my man, don’t want to lose my boys, too

Dear Pastor

I am 25 years old and I have three children for two different men. My first two children are boys and they were planned. When I say they were planned, I mean that I was living with a man and we decided that we were going to have a future together. We also decided that we would have two children, so when I had them, my boyfriend and I were happy.

After we had the first child, my boyfriend bought me a ring. When the second child came, we decided to put off the wedding. My boyfriend started attending university and he began getting home late at nights. His excuse was that he was at a study group. However, a girl began calling him late at night. When I asked why she was calling, he said that she belonged to the study group and they were discussing their lessons. One day she called and I told her that she shouldn't call so late, and she cursed me and told me things about myself that she should not have known.

I asked my boyfriend why he chose to discuss me with her and he said he was not ashamed of me, but I should not have spoken to her. My boyfriend graduated from university and left me for this girl. He supported his sons occasionally, so I had to seek help elsewhere.

I went out with a gangster a couple of times. He was very rough. I got pregnant when the relationship was still very young. He took on the support of my other sons, but found himself on the wrong side of the law and was arrested. My sons' father is now living in America and he is married. He wants to take them. I have been holding out against that. I don't know how you feel about sending away my boys, and that is the reason why I am writing to you for your opinion.

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

If you believe that the father of the boys is in a stable relationship, and if you believe that his wife would help to take care of them, and you will always be able to talk to them, don't stand in their way. Send them!

If you have an American visa and you will be able to visit them, you should allow them to go because you should always remember that America is a land of opportunity and their father is an educated man, and he would see to it that they get the best education possible. Your children will tell you the truth. If they don't like it there they will tell you. There is nothing that their father would be able to do to prevent them from telling you the truth. My advice is that you take the necessary steps to get them to the United States as soon as possible.

Pastor