Worthless boyfriend refuses to get a job

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I have learnt so much from what you have written. I have a boyfriend. He is 30 but we are always arguing. I am 24.

My boyfriend does not like to work. He does not hold jobs for long so I find myself always paying the rent. We are living in a one-bedroom apartment and the refrigerator broke down and we tried to get the landlady to replace it. She said she did not have any money so we took out a new refrigerator. So, apart from paying the rent we have to be paying for this refrigerator. I say that to show to you that my boyfriend does not care. He denies that he has other women, but if he does not have other women who are eating him out, I want to know what he is doing with his money. I am paying back student loan but he didn't go to university. He would watch cable all day. He has a son from another relationship and I have to quarrel with him to give the child's mother money. Sometimes I have to take it out of my own money to give him to give the mother for the child.

NOT RESPONSIBLE

He is always asking me to agree for us to have a child but I don't have unprotected sex with him. I would love to have a child but my boyfriend is not a responsible man. I don't want to be seen as a woman changing a man. I don't want to go from man to man. My mother has six children for four different men and I promised her that I would not let that happen to me, and she said it's not because she was bad but because she was unlucky with men. To get money from men she had to open her legs. Pastor, our rent is $30,000 a month and I am getting $80,000 for my pay. My boyfriend is not working and I have to pay that $30,000 plus pay for the refrigerator, plus buy food for the house, and I like to look attractive so I am always using my credit card to purchase things online. I am tired of telling my boyfriend to get a job. He is determined to get a taxi and hustle on the road. I am not going to cheat on him but I don't know how long I can continue to live like this.

E.D.

Dear E.D.,

This guy is very fortunate to have you as his woman. He is making very little contribution to the household and you might be better off living on your own. Perhaps you should seriously consider going back to live at your parents' home. It might not be very convenient there but at least you will save a lot of money and in a few years, you might even be able to purchase a little apartment or buy a house. Something is wrong with your boyfriend if he cannot keep a job. Or is it a case that he does not want to work and wants you to support him? He wants to drive taxi. He is hoping to get a taxi from someone, pay the owner for that taxi every week, and try to make a living of it. Taxi work is very hard but I wish him well. Don't stay with this man and suffer. You are an educated and intelligent girl. Don't allow your heart to rule your head.

Pastor