My man is more than 30 years older than me

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am having a relationship with a man in his 50s. I had a boyfriend who was 25 but he only used me.

He wanted sex day and night and didn't help me much. He knew that my parents were very poor and I had to always beg him for money. I went to visit a friend last year. My current man saw me then and said that he liked me. I told him I didn't like old men. I also told him I had a boyfriend. He asked me for my number and he gave me his.

I called him about 9 p.m. that night to see if he would answer the phone. He did, and said that he was thinking about me. He started to question me again about my boyfriend and I asked him if he had a woman. He said yes but she was in the US and he did not know if she was coming back. He said that if I gave him a chance he would tell her to stay. I told him I was going back to see my friend to help her wash and he said he would meet me there. He came and my girlfriend said that I should spend time talking to him. We talked about everything and I told him that I wanted to go back to school. He said that if we became intimate he would send me back to school.

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We became friends and eventually lovers. I left my boyfriend for him. But I ran into trouble after I was with this new guy for two months. His woman came back to Jamaica and found out about me when she searched his phone. One night she called me and said I was a whore and a gal. She sent me some dirty texts. The man told me that he was going to leave her but he had to get her out of his house.

One day he told me he came home and didn't see her. She had taken all of his furniture. Neighbours laughed at him but they did not know that he was glad to see her go. Now Pastor, we are living together. Some people even say that my man has no shame but I love him so much. I have never been happier. He does a little farming and he takes me with him and his folks love me. He asked me if I would marry him and I told him yes but I was not ready. He said he was not ready either but he just wanted to know. Pastor, do you think that he is too old for me? He is the best man I have ever had.

T.G.

Dear T.G.,

You didn't give the exact age of this man but from what you have said he is more than 30 years older than you. You claim that you love him and he is the best man you have ever had.

Your previous boyfriend has helped to drive you into his arms because he gave you very little help. Why is it that these young men don't know that young women need financial assistance occasionally? He knew you were from a poor background and there are things that you would need. You should not even have to ask him. Any man who is willing to assist a young woman with certain items will take her away from any man. Of course, the young woman would have to want to leave but women don't run from good, and if a man is not treating his woman well and not helping to take care of her, she is going to run from him. You know that by experience.

So, while I am concerned about this man's age, I would like to know if he is genuine and sending you to school and taking care of you. It is not for me to say that you should not stay with him. His woman has walked away from him and took all that he had in his house. I wish you the very best. I hope that after you have had some education you will not abandon him and call him an old man. Remember his age. He is not going to be healthy and strong as he grows older. You should remember that you would not always be his wife, you may have to be his nurse very soon.

Pastor