Boyfriend wants to tie me up during sex

Dear Pastor,

My boyfriend and I are having a dispute and I hate to know that this is going to cause us to break up permanently. Both of us are in our mid-20s. Both of us enjoy each other but my boyfriend loves to have his way and he takes advice from his parents.

One evening while he was visiting me, I was only in my underwear. He took out a little piece of rope, not the ordinary rope. I asked him what it was for and he said it was for us to 'spice up' the relationship. I told him, if anybody was to be tied up it would be him, because I didn't want to be tied up.

These days when we want to make love, he wants to tie me up. I am not taking any chances. What is your advice?

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

It is unfortunate that your boyfriend is making a fuss because you did not agree to engage in what some people call bondage sex. You have a right to say no. In fact, it is very risky for a female to allow her man to tie her up and to do whatever he likes with her. When a man ties a woman up and has sex with her, she cannot help herself. You said no to your boyfriend and he should accept that. I am sure that he has told you that you have to learn to trust him, but you should gently remind him that trust does not mean that you should allow yourself to be helpless. He may even tell you that he would allow you to tie him up. If he says that, he is only tricking you, because, if you tie him up, he is going to want you to reciprocate.

What I am saying to you, and even to others, is that I am not here to condemn anybody. Couples who want to practise bondage sex are free to do so. But, remember, you are at the mercy of the one who ties you up.

Pastor