Afraid of losing my girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I have a small problem that is bothering me. I am 20 years old and my girlfriend is 17 years old. I know I'm much older but it didn't bother me. I met her when I was also in school. But the problem is, my friends keep discouraging me with negative thoughts. This girl cares for me in many ways. When I had to work on Saturdays, she would pick up my school uniform at my workplace from me and wash them. She would even cook and take lunch for me at school. I help her sometimes. However, I must say that she was not a fast learner, so I would help her with her schoolwork and assignments. I typed her CSEC SBA for her.

We have some things in common. For example, I was living with my aunt because my parents didn't care about me. I had to work and send myself to school from I was in grade eight. My aunt would overwork me because I was staying at her house. My girlfriend and her mother lived with her stepdad. So, basically, we both had family issues; nevertheless, we have been together for two years and eight months. I've never had sex with her because we both had nothing and were aiming for something.

I wouldn't want to get her pregnant to spoil all our plans, so I have done what is best for her and did not include sex. I even try doing thing the right way by meeting her mom, even though she said her mom would curse if she knew she had a boyfriend. But I told her that it was better for us to do it the right way. I met her mom and she seemed like a nice women. My girlfriend wanted to spend the day with me on my birthday, but I made sure to ask her mom for permission first.

I don't see many young boys in this day and age trying to do things the right way. Some parents do not even know that their daughters have boyfriends until they are pregnant. She even invited me to her home one Saturday, and I told her mother that I loved her. Her mom would even call me and ask me if I am okay. I trust this girl with all my heart.

FLIRTING OVER TEXTS

One day I had her phone and I saw that about seven guys have been texting her and she was calling them 'babes' and kept telling them that she missed them. When I confronted her about it, she said she was only telling them what they wanted to hear because I am planning a future for both of us. They are only talking about one thing, and that is sex. It took me some time to get over it, but I did and she said that she will never have sex with any of them.

There was even a soldier, and he was only interested in schoolgirls. I am afraid that what my friends were saying is true. But my girlfriend says that she loves me and I should trust her, so I am trying my best to do so. I just want to have a future with this girl.

My friend is always teasing me about helping to build a woman and then losing her to another man, who will have sex with her. I told them that it is not about sex for me. Even though I wouldn't want that to happen, either. I told my girlfriend that I'm not afraid of getting cheated on, but that is not a permission for her to cheat on me. I'm only afraid of catching virus that cannot be cured, because other guys would not tell her about the other women they are having sex with. She answered by saying she would not cheat, and she could swear about that.

Pastor, no matter how I try to block the things my friends say from my mind, they still bother me. I don't know if it is because I saw that she was texting other guys. Everywhere I go I hear the negativity about relationships. I hear it on television, I hear it in my community, and I hear it even more on the radio. All I hear is a 'bag a gyal' and side chick songs and men on the side. I can't seem to dodge it. I really love my girlfriend and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She tells me that she wants to go abroad and study, but she will come back to me. It seems to me that we are growing apart day by day.

What do you think Pastor?

S.S.

Dear S.S.,

This young lady is only 17 years old and she is acting her age. The few text messages that you saw in her phone from guys do not indicate that she is doing anything that is bad. It could mean that she is only having fun with these guys. They do not mean that she is having sex with them. Some girls like to play around, and just as how men tell women what they know that the women would like to hear, some girls tell men what they know men would like to hear. I believe that this young lady is doing just that.

I commend you for going to meet with her mother. I am sure the mother was pleased to meet you. But I am sure she warned you to be careful and not to get her daughter pregnant. Some girls in their late teens feel that if they do not have boyfriends and are in relationships, they are missing out on a whole lot of fun. And some even yield to peer pressure. And even you are faced with peer pressure from your male friends every day; to them, you are a fool for not having sex with a 17 year old girlfriend. They feel that you are to be 'banging it' because if you don't, other men are going to do it and laugh at you. And if any of these guys have the opportunity to do so, they will do it and laugh at you. Perhaps that is why you are so worried, but you need not be worried. If this young woman truly loves you, and you love her, both of you will get together at the right time.

You ought not to put your head on a block to prove your love for her. Both of you are young and you do not know what the future holds for either of you. You need to encourage her to get a good education, and you ought to do the same for yourself. Even if she should leave and go abroad, that means nothing. If she loves you she will come back to you, or you will go after her, wherever she is. That is how love operates.

Pastor