Called out the wrong man’s name during sex

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I believe you are the best person to help me. I am 42 and I have three children. My husband is 35 and he has one child. The father of two of my children left me and went abroad. He said that he was going to come back and marry me but he did not keep his word. He got married to another woman who was my schoolmate. But they were always very close. After I did not hear from him, I got a call from this woman and she told me that her conscience was bothering her. She told me that she and him got married. She said that she was only trying to help him. But it turned out that she got to love him, but she didn't want to hurt me. I started to tremble and I dropped the phone. I eventually got over that and I found this very decent man. He gives me everything; some of my girlfriends have told me that I am very lucky to have a man who allows me to control everything. I am working and he bought a car and he takes the bus to work and allows me to drive the car. Sometimes when I see how my children and my husband play together, I say to myself, 'I am glad that their father left them to this man'. I have never seen their father play with them. One thing I give my children's father credit for is that he has never failed to support them. His wife has asked me to allow them to come and spend some time with them. I have not made up my mind. I know that she would treat them well but I can't make up my mind. The children do not have visas, so I would have to get visas for them. But I can't go with my children to visit their father because I don't have anywhere to stay and I don't want him to suggest that I stay with them. I know he would suggest that. Three times while making love to my husband, I have called my babyfather's name and my husband was alarmed that I did so. He is convinced that I am still in love with this man. Pastor, his name just slipped out of my mouth and nothing more. My husband does not think that I am speaking the truth. Thank you in advance for your advice.

M.H.

Dear M.H.,

The father of two of your children left Jamaica and promised to come back and he never did. He got married to another woman that you knew very well, and it was she who had to inform you that she was now his wife. I couldn't count this man a good man. He should have advised you what he was planning to do. No excuse is good enough. Sad indeed.

You said that you have got over what he did to you. Good for you, because to hate him would not help you and it would be wrong for you to encourage your children to hate him.

You are very fortunate to have found a good man, who takes good care of you. His love for you seems genuine; I hope that your children's father will continue to support his children.

Now concerning the invitation from his wife to have the children visit them in the US. It is a ticklish situation. You have your reason why you are reluctant to send them, but I believe that you should allow them to go. It would have been good to have you go with them but, on the other hand, the invitation is not for you to visit, it is for the children. If you are convinced that your babyfather's wife would treat them well, allow them to go. You have called the name of your children's father at least three times while making love to your husband. Why do you think that is so? Perhaps that happens when your husband does something to you during lovemaking that triggers the memory of you and your babyfather in bed. It must be something that is very nice. I don't know you for sure. I don't know how else to put it but it must be a sweet feeling.

Pastor