Boyfriend has threatened to kill me

Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship for the past four years. At first, I was reserved about getting involved, but my son, who was 11 at the time, encouraged me to take a chance.

This man came with nothing in the relationship and he encouraged me to buy a seven-seater vehicle and have it registered as a taxi, which I did.

A year or two ago, he kept sleeping out up to 12 times a month and coming home in the wee hours of the morning.

His excuse was always either that he slept by his mother or was on the road with friends.

I found out he was lying because of a text I saw in his phone. I called the number, only to find out it was a woman he was having a relationship with.

I confronted him about it and he said he was going to break it off. We went to a funeral together and I posted a few pictures on my status with him.

This woman viewed it and then posted her own pictures of him and her kissing and laughing inside her bedroom. I asked him to choose one of us.

We were on the verge of ending the relationship; however, my son became so heartbroken that he cried and asked me to give this man a chance, and I did.

FEELING VIOLATED

I found out recently that this woman was someone he has been with for years, but she lives with her man.

Pastor, we went to a nine-night together and this woman presented herself to him. All he could do was to run in the bush and ask, "What is this for?"

After we got home, he apologised, but he hasn't stopped seeing her. I smashed his phone in March, and now, in August, I am seeing a message from her.

He wants to say that I am not making him happy because I no longer do certain things. With all honesty, when he touches me, I feel violated and betrayed, and all these incidents have caused me to be so bitter inside. I told this man that I cannot continue in a relationship with him and he keeps threatening to kill me.

But I have seen him sleeping and considered killing him myself. But my son will suffer because of this, and he is depending on me to send him to law school.

I have no intention to disappoint him. Pastor, I have given this man enough chances and he wasted them. Please advise me.

O.M.

Dear O.M.,

Please excuse me, but I must say that you wanted a man and you got one. But you couldn't be serious when you say that you took a man into your life on the advice of your son.

How can an 11-year-old be capable of telling his mother which man she should get involved with? He may say that you need a man because of what he heard you say, but he is not capable, at that age, to make proper judgement of the type of man you should have. The bottom line is that you needed a man and you got one, but he was not a good man.

This man came into your life not because he loved you, but because he saw that there was much to gain by having a relationship with you. You were not thinking right.

He encouraged you to take your hard-earned money and purchase a seven-seater and give to him to use as a taxi. What a big investment you were making in this man. You were naive.

I hope the vehicle was purchased in your name, because it should be taken away from him and sold. I can imagine how he 'profiles' in your vehicle, while the women he was out with would believe that vehicle was bought with his money. I don't need to say much more. He is threatening you because you are planning to leave him. May I suggest that you report this man to the police and that you should make your plans to leave. He is trying to scare you by threatening to kill you. But you should go further. You should also talk to a lawyer and take out an injunction against this man, even before you go to the police. Speak to a criminal lawyer. Tell him the whole truth and what you have in mind to do.

Don't yield to any temptation to hurt this man while he is sleeping. But don't go any further in this relationship.

Pastor