Wife giving me bun with her ‘cousin’

March 23, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I work as a security guard. I am married, and it is hard to be at work almost every night. At present, my wife is pregnant.

I am not sure that the child is mine. I told her how I feel about the pregnancy, and she cursed me and told me that she was sorry she ever got involved with me.

Pastor, I have my doubts because I had a daughter before I got married. The girl is now 13. She was spending time with us and when she went home to her mother, she told her mother that she saw my wife and a man having sex.

That is what her mother told me. I asked the mother how could she see that and our daughter said the man came there in the evening and was there for a while and went away.

When he was leaving, my wife told him to buy some chicken for her when he was coming back. When he came back, my wife had the chicken, she went into her room and the man followed.

They thought my daughter was asleep. The lights were still on in the bedroom. She peeped into the room and saw them having sex.

Not to let my wife know

Her mother told me that it was not her business, but because I am her child's father, she had to tell me that my wife is giving me 'bun'.

But she told me I should not let my wife know that it was my daughter who told her.

The way they described the man, it is somebody I know and my wife is related to him. She calls him 'cousin'. When we got married, he was at the wedding.

The hurtful thing is that she took this man and was having sex with him on our bed that I am still paying for. I treat my wife very well because I love her.

I don't know if they used a condom when my daughter saw them. I know I do not use a condom with my wife; that is why I told her that when the child is born, we should do a DNA test.

I thought she would say that would be all right, but instead she kept saying that I didn't trust her and she hadn't had sex with anybody else.

This child she is carrying will be her second child. Her first child lives with his father. I keep wondering whether my daughter made a mistake. She had no reason to lie on my wife.


Dear G.S.,

You say that you doubt that your wife is carrying your child. Therefore, I see no reason why you should not insist that a DNA test be done.

Your wife may indeed feel that it is because you don't trust her why you are insisting on the test. But that should not deter you from insisting that you want the test to be done.

You can protect your daughter by not divulging that she told you that she saw your wife having sex with this man. That does not have to come up at all in any conversation.

If after the test is done and it proves that you are the biological father, you can deal with the matter of her infidelity.

I don't mean that you shouldn't be thinking about it now, but you can take action on that later. You have to decide whether or not you would forgive her.

If the DNA test shows that you are not the father, it might be even more difficult for you to forgive her, but love covers the multitude of sins, so I will not attempt to tell you what to do.

I repeat, protect your daughter and never let it be known that she told her mother, who then told you that your wife was seen having sex with another man.


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