Boyfriend kicked me out for having an abortion

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I will be 25 in April. My boyfriend is 27. We started a relationship when I was 21.

I used to have a relationship with his brother, but that did not last. Me and that brother had sex twice and he left Jamaica and went to America and joined the military. This brother always loved me. So, when he asked me to become his girlfriend, I told him that I would think about it. A few weeks went by and then he asked me again and I told him that, because his brother and I had a relationship, I didn't think it was right. He said that relationship is done with. So we started to date and I got to love him. I lost my job and he took me in and we started to live together.

He helped me to get a job, which I love. My boyfriend bought me a car. I discovered that I was pregnant. I told him that I missed my period and I didnt say anything to him again. When the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant, I told the doctor that I did not want a child, so I had an abortion. I told my boyfriend that I would have an abortion and he said no. I had the abortion and he called me a murderer.

One day, he told me that I would have to leave and he cursed me like a dog. I went back to live with my mother. One day, he called me and told me that he was coming for the car that he bought me. I reminded him that the car was mine and that he bought it for me. He sent for the car and I handed it over to the driver who came for it. But I felt so hurt. I did not think that this man was so wicked. My boss told me that my boyfriend was not telling me everything. He told my boss, who was his friend, that he believed that it was another man who got me pregnant and that is why I had an abortion.

Apart from his brother who I had a relationship with, I have not gone to bed with another man. Now my boss is telling me that he loves me. But I don't want to have anything sexual to do with him because he and my boyfriend are good friends. It is hard to know who to trust.

H.W.

Dear H.W.,

Perhaps I can begin by saying that the mistake you made was becoming intimate with the brother of your former lover.

They are brothers and, when he began to show interest in you and you reminded him that you and his brother were intimate, he said nothing was wrong with that because his brother is gone and time has elapsed. You should have known that will always be on your mind. But you allowed yourself to become his girlfriend and, from that, you became lovers. Yes, he took care of you and he helped you to get a new job, but the relationship did not start 'clean', if you know what I mean. I know some women don't care; they have sex with several brothers. But a woman has to learn to protect herself and to keep her dignity. It is said that men only want a little place where they can 'jam' a woman. Of course, not all women are like that and not all men are like that, but, to me, that was the fundamental mistake that you made, by becoming this man's girlfriend. I believe that you made yourself cheap; others may not think so.

Another mistake that you made was becoming pregnant. This man told you that you should not have an abortion, but you had the abortion and he threw you out. Of course, there are many people who curse women who have had abortions. Some of them call them 'walking dead' and other names. You didn't say why you had the abortion. Now he is saying that you did so because you know that he was not responsible for impregnating you. So you have had too many things to bear. How could a man purchase a car for his woman and send back for it? He embarrassed you.

You will get along. Forgive yourself for all the mistakes that you have made. Don't even look at your boss who is now showing interest in you; don't go that way at all. I wish you well.

Pastor