Don’t want any ‘bruk pocket’ man

Dear Pastor,

I am in my 50s and I am a businesswoman. I am divorced. I have three children; two of them are married and have children.

I live alone. My unmarried son is here, there and everywhere. He told me that he is still looking for a wife, but as I see it, he is still playing the field. He is in and out of this house, sometime he is here, sometimes he is not here, and sometimes he is with a girl. But he talks to me every day and I warn him to be careful. He said that he is wiser than Solomon. I told him that a woman captured Samson and Samson was strong and smart.

Sometimes I feel very lonely, but most of the guys who talk to me are too young for me. Some of the men who like me are too old. I met a man recently at a party and he was struggling to say that he admired me. So I decided to help him out a little by asking him a few questions. I started out by asking him about his health and then I asked him about his finances. He asked me why I was asking him about his finances and if I was broke. I told him that I was not broke and I believed that I could buy him. Then I apologised for asking him whether he was in good shape financially. I figured out that he is not in good shape because a man who is in good shape financially should not be annoyed whenever he is asked if he is in debt.

The man told me later in a telephone conversation that he was wondering whether I was interested in him and wanted to know if he could support me. I don't need his support. My home is fully paid for. I drive a car that is only three years old. I have men working for me. This man asked me to meet with him again. I am not sure I want to meet with him because he did not answer some of the questions I asked him and I will have to repeat them.

What would a woman my age be doing with a man who doesn't have a solid bank account or solid investments? If he does not have good investments, then I would have to spend my money on him which I am not prepared to do. So while I find myself being lonely at times, I learn to read a lot and watch movies.

L.F.

Dear L.F.,

You probably came on too strong with this man. Some men are very conscious that there are women who would come on to them and 'rip them off'.

So these men don't know who to trust. You met this man for the first time, and you probably went too far by asking him about his health and finances. He was not your friend. You did not know him very much, so I repeat, you went too far.

On the other hand, you probably feel that that is the way you are going to judge a man. You could have asked him about sports, whether he loves football, cricket, tennis or golf. You could have invited him to accompany you to see a good play, and if you wanted to know whether he is following the money market, you could have skilfully discussed the stock market. But I am afraid you did not handle this one right.

But, may I suggest that you call this man and invite him out? He is a little cagey, so watch what you say to him.

Pastor