Still caring for my cheating husband

Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I wrote to you a few years ago about my lying, cheating husband.

I have been working overseas for years to support my husband, who gave up his job because he and his boss weren't getting along. Pastor, I stayed and worked three jobs and took care of this man while he returned to Jamaica. I treated him like a king. I took care of everything and I built our home. He was in charge of the construction, but I provided the funds. Can you imagine my surprise when I found out that all the sacrifices I was making were in vain, because he was having a relationship with another woman? Pastor, that hurts me to my core. It has been six years since I found out and I haven't got over it. I cry night and day.

A few years after I found out about his cheating, he was in a terrible accident and I had to give up my jobs to take care of him. We are living together but we are not together, because I still can't get over the fact that he was in another relationship all this time, while I worked three jobs to take care of him. There is no love in the marriage and no intimacy. I am there because I have compassion on him, nothing more.

My children say that I should divorce him and move on with my life, but honestly, he used to be there for me when I had nothing. He helped me to get a job overseas when he was working there. I really feel sorry for him now, and that is why I am there. I don't want to be an ungrateful person. He has several underlying health issues, and I am a Christian.

M.P.

Dear M.P.,

Thank you for your letter. You have tried your very best to cope with your husband. You have even given up your jobs to take care of him. He is a very fortunate man indeed.

This man had a conflict with his boss and he walked away from his job. He did not make efforts to get another job. Perhaps he knew that as a loving wife, you would take care of him. What a wicked man.

I do understand that if a man is ill and unable to work, his spouse would do her best to support him. She would do her best to nourish him back to health, so he would be able to resume working. So perhaps the mistake you made is that you gave him the impression that he does not have to seek employment and learn to support his family. This man was there carrying on an extramarital affair.

You did all that you could to make your marriage work. You sent money to Jamaica for him to build a home. He is a very wicked man. However, I have observed that you have not said that you are willing to move on. Both of you appear to be sharing the same house in Jamaica. Neither of you are presently employed. So how do you plan to support him?

There is no intimacy between you. However, I suggest that if you do not intend to leave this man, both of you should seek professional help. I would send you the name, address, and telephone number of a psychologist that you may talk to. I would do so as soon as possible.

Pastor