My dead husband is ruining my relationship

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for your advice. I am 40 years old and I am a Christian. My husband died two years ago and I still miss him. He was a fine man who loved me and respected me. We have one child and he is now living in Canada.

My husband was seven years my senior. My son encouraged me to start going out. I followed his advice and I met a man. He is not as polished as my husband. He, too, is living in Canada. My son did all the background checks for me, and told me that I did not have anything to worry about.

I have a good job in Jamaica. Before I met this man, I told my son I may consider living in Canada after I retire. But now this man wants me to give up my job and to come to Canada to live. However, this is not why I am writing to you.

I am writing to you to tell you that I have spent a number of nights with this man, and, every time we try to make love, I cannot get my husband out of my mind. It's like I am seeing my husband looking at me.

This man does not even resemble my husband. My husband was tall and this man is short. This man uses the same type of cologne my husband used, so I asked him to stop using that cologne because it brings back memories. So he stopped.

How can I get over my former husband? It is in the way of having a good relationship with my man. Thank you for reading my letter.

P

Dear P.,

First of all, I am glad that you and your son have a very good relationship. I am also happy to know that you are comfortable. You have a good job and you have a house. Now, you believe that you have another good man in your life. You have to learn how to deal with the psychological problem that is facing you. You have to learn not to judge him on the same standard with your former husband.

Of course, the problem you are having now is psychological. So, I suggest that you make an appointment to see a psychologist. Don't break up this relationship. I will not suggest that you give up your job to go to live in Canada. You can wait until you are retired, but discuss it with your son.

Pastor