Dad says my boyfriend is not good enough

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I need your fatherly advice. I am a graduate of a university and I have been working for the last two years. I have a boyfriend and since I graduated from university, I am living on my own. The rent is high - it is $32,000 per month -- plus I have to pay utilities. My father assisted me in buying a car, but I have to pay to maintain the car.

My boyfriend's rent is lower than mine. He pays $20,000 per month, but he is renting a room from his aunt. I occasionally spend a day or two with him at his house, but his aunt is a Christian and she told him that she does not want him having me there because we are not married. My boyfriend is just trying to save some money and he has student's loan to repay. We are not ready to get married.

FIND A BETTER MAN

I told my father about my boyfriend. He is looking for a better job than what he is doing now. My father believes that I can find a better man, but this is the man I love. He tells me that he is afraid that I am going to leave him because he is not making much money. Almost everything I earn goes back into paying bills. It is very hard.

I would love to have a child before I am 30. I don't know if I should continue with this guy or do what he wants me to do -- and that is to come and live with me and save some money. He would be saving what he is paying for rent. Right now, he takes taxi to work. He is 27 years old. I don't know if that is the right decision to make.

Y

Dear Y.,

I believe that you should take your boyfriend to meet with your father. I don't believe that your father wants to control you at all, but it is natural for him to be concerned. He does not want anybody to take advantage of you. The rent that you are paying is high, and you have utility bills as well. You are also maintaining your car, so your monthly expenses would be high.

Your father believes that you can find a better man, and by that he means you should be able to find a man who is earning more than you, and should be able to support you. Your father might not mean what you think he means. So, if both of you can sit with him, he could give you his blessings. Both of you can get married and work together to make a family.

Perhaps the $20,000 he now pays for rent can go towards helping you pay your rent, and so part of that burden would be lifted from you. And both of you would also pay the other household bills. You are not a fool, you know that when a man marries a woman and there is only one car, the man is likely to demand that he should have the car to go wherever he wants to go. You should be smart enough to say noway. There should be good understanding how the car is used.

I repeat, go see your parents, your dad in particular, and go sit with him and talk and learn how to make a budget. I believe that if this man is a good man and you have found him to be so, both of you should consider getting married and live a good life together.

Pastor