Mother-in-law encouraged my husband to cheat

Dear Pastor,

I am 36 and I am married. I have three children who are not for my husband. Our relationship started out very well until his mother, who is supposed to be a dedicated Christian and a leader in her church, found out that I had three children. She discouraged her son from marrying me. When I met her, she was so sweet. The first time she met me, she hugged me and welcomed me to the family. She cooked a big Sunday dinner for us. I felt at home with her. We got married and she attended the wedding and everything was fine. Then one day my husband became ill and was hospitalised. I knew where he kept certain papers so I decided to look for his insurance card. I came upon a letter from his mother. She was advising him not to marry me because he would be taking on the responsibility of supporting my children. She said that having three children meant that I started to have sex early, so he shouldn't marry me.

She even mentioned the name of another girl who he should consider. I read the letter carefully and then I put it back. When he left the hospital, I took good care of him at home. One day he told me he was so glad that we got married. I asked if he was sure and he said yes, and I told him that his mother didn't want him to marry me. I then told him that I had seen the letter. He became very upset and told me that I should not have read his mail and whatever his mother had said to him was between them. We had a heated argument and he told me off. Pastor, I know I did not do anything wrong by reading the letter. He phoned his mother and told her that I had seen the letter. She then called me and told me unkind things. Recently, I found out that the girl my husband is having an affair with is the same girl who his mother suggested that he should marry. They meet up at his mother's home. I love my husband and he has been very good to me but I am getting to hate his mother because she is a hypocrite, and I will never go back to her house and she is not welcome in this house either.

C.

Dear C.,

It is unfortunate that you read the letter, and I say unfortunate because a mother has the right to talk to her child about how she feels about their future plans.

She found out that you have three children. She thought it was necessary to caution her son about marrying you because he was taking on a very big responsibility. Whether she was right or wrong is not the issue. I am saying that parents have that sort of responsibility and it is okay for them to give advice to their children, even when they are adults.

They don't have to accept their parents' counselling. In this case, your husband did not. He married you. Where you lost your head was when you found the letter and told him what you saw. Furthermore, you became angry with his mother. You developed a hatred for her. I would say your attitude towards his mother is very wrong and your husband has compounded the matter by telling her that you saw the letter. That should have remained between you. It is unfortunate that your husband's mother is encouraging him to have an affair with the girl she suggested.

As a Christian, she should not encourage him to do that, but perhaps she is trying to prove to her son that he has made a mistake by marrying you.

He is now acting like a momma's boy by becoming intimate with the woman, and he is having the affair in his mother's house. He and his mother are destroying your marriage. Shame on his mother. Someone needs to tell your husband to break up his folly ground. His mother is not going to do so because she prefers this girl over you. I therefore suggest that you make it known to your husband that if he does not stop seeing this woman, you might have to divorce him. Tell him you are willing to go for professional counselling to try to resolve the problems.

Pastor