In love with a man 15 years my senior

Dear Pastor,

I am 38 years old and I have been reading your column from I was in high school. I do not know my mother. She died when I was a child, and my father gave me to his mother.

My grandmother took very good care of me. She used to do buying and selling. She had good friends who used to watch over me when she had to leave home. She taught me to call all the women 'Aunty', and I was to address the women as 'Miss' and the males as 'Mr'. I went to a popular high school. My father took me to school and picked me up at the end of the day. He has never had another child and we are still living at grandma's house. Before I graduated from high school, my father added a room and a bathroom to the house for me, but after I moved into that room I would go and sleep with grandma.

I went to university and I fell in love with a young man there. His outlook on life was different from mine, so I broke up with him. I am very active in my church. Another guy I fell in love with tried to get me to leave home. He said I was the type of woman he had been looking for. He wanted me to go to bed with him after knowing him for six weeks. I told him that as a Christian I could not do that. He said he could not buy 'puss in bag'. I told him I was not selling anything, so if it was a puss he was trying to buy, I was the wrong puss. The problem I am having now, Pastor, is that I met a man who was once married and his wife has died, so he is a widower. I love him, but he is 15 years older than I am and he has two grown children. My father knows him well and even told me he would not stand in my way if I want to marry him. But I am not sure, because of his age. I would like your opinion. This man is well off.

L.Y.

Dear L.Y.,

I know you have your concerns but, evidently, this man, who is a widower, is in love with you and you are in love with him. Your father knows him well and you have his blessing, but you should seek also the blessing from your grandma. I doubt that she would be against this union, so please talk to her. I believe that this man will treat you well and that you will learn to be a good wife. So now, I give you my blessing also. Accept his proposal and marry him.

Pastor