I don’t trust men because of my babyfather

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I listen to you on the radio every night and I read your column. I am 28 years old. When I was 17 I got pregnant.

I gave birth to a girl. It was while I was pregnant that I found out that the man who got me pregnant was married. I did not know that before. When I met him, he told me that he was single and that he did not even have a girlfriend. He also lied to me about his age. His wife told me that my child and I would suffer and that I should try to find the father, because her husband said the child was not his; and that everybody knew that I was a cheap girl in the community. She told people the most disgraceful things about me. Whenever I tried to talk to the guy, he would not take my calls.

Pastor, whenever I look at my child I see the 'dead stamp' of this man. My father is the one who is helping me to support my daughter. I went back to school after I gave birth and I am living alone with my daughter. I am not interested in having a partner. I don't trust men and I don't want to live with a man, because I don't want him to interfere with my daughter.

I recently met a policeman and I have feelings for him, but we have never gone to bed. I told him that he would have to wait until my daughter was grown. He asked me how long that would that be and I told him that I didn't know. I don't know what to do. Am I wrong in not wanting to live with any man? Give me your honest opinion.

R.

Dear R.,

I can understand your concern. You were fooled by this man who got you pregnant. He told you that he was not married and you found out that he was. I think that you should discuss with your father about taking this man to court for child support. His wife is trying to embarrass you by calling you cheap and labelling you as someone who was promiscuous. If this man does not believe that he is the biological father, that will be easy to ascertain by a DNA test. Insist that this man supports this child by taking him to court.

Concerning this man who is presently showing interest in you, give the relationship time to grow. I understand your concerns, but not every man is a child molester. But be persuaded in your own mind what you should do. Don't allow this man to force you into a relationship with him. I wish you well.

Pastor