Sister hates me for sleeping with her husband

Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old woman and I have children. For me, life has been rough, but I am a hard worker.

The men I was hoping to help me used me, and I brought shame on my children by having a sexual relationship with one of my brothers-in-law. I could not deny that I was having an affair with him because my sister caught us having sex, and she did not hold it down. She scandalised my name and told everybody in the neighbourhood. Everybody cursed me. The only person who did not curse me was my mother. Even after I was disgraced, this man and I continued for a while. He told my sister that if she was doing what she should be doing, he would not have gone astray. One of my children resembles this man. He could be his child, but the man whose name he is carrying has never questioned me as to whether he is his biological father.

I am now with a Rastaman who is 50 years old. He can hardly manage, but no man has ever loved me like this Rastaman. He is a hard-working farmer. He has helped me to build a house and since we have been together, I have never gone to bed hungry. I did not know I could ever love a Rastaman. Sometimes when we are in bed, all he wants to do is to play with me and I play with him until we both fall asleep. I would love for my sister to forgive me, but she says she will never forgive me because I am a whore. Sometimes I feel like I am alone, and so I go to my mother and talk to her for hours. My Rastaman tells me that I should not worry, he won't leave me.

W.E.

Dear W.E.,

You made a very big mistake, but I am glad that your mother has not abandoned you and you have found solace in her. She has forgiven you for what you have done.

Although you did not spell it out, I get the impression that your brother-in-law was assisting you financially and you fell in love with him. You say other guys in your life did not treat you well, so you gravitated to your brother-in-law. I need not cry shame on you. I hope that you are working and trying to help yourself financially.

You are now going with a Rastaman. How did both of you get together? You seem to love him dearly. I hope that you will be true to him and not get involved with other men. Some Rastas don't believe in formal marriage. You should put that matter before him and see how he would react. If your sister is not inclined to forgive you for having an affair with her husband, leave her alone, but love her as a sister just the same. Take care of your Rastaman, and I hope he will take care of you.

Pastor