Upset that this married man doesn’t want me

February 24, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I work at a hotel in New Kingston. I have always liked this co-worker. He's very charming and handsome.

One day, out of the blue, he complimented me and I immediately thought that my dreams were coming through.

We became friends and we started talking - with sexual connotation. He would send me sexy pictures of himself but in them, he's fully clothed. I kept asking for nudes, but he never sent them.

He never talked to me after 7 p.m. and if I called his phone, it went to mailbox.

If I sent a WhatsApp message, it didn't always go through. He lives pretty close to me and I would always put myself in his way, but he never offered me a ride.


One day I was passing by his office and I overheard two females saying how his family was nice. They were referring to his WhatsApp status. I looked, but saw nothing.

I saw his status on another person's phone and I was shocked to see all the photos. He had blocked me from seeing his status and his profile whenever he put up pictures of his wife.

We were never sexually involved, but I was hurt to the point where I started to cry, and then got steaming mad. I asked him for a ride that evening and he agreed.

He then told me that I had to sit in the back because he had to pick up his wife. I was even more shocked.

She is dark-skinned, like me, but she is so beautiful and her hair is so long. I am jealous.

She looks like a black Indian beauty. She looks like a model. Reality hit me really hard. He would never leave her for me.

I found out that she was a nurse and they lived together. She was polite, and I was nice when he introduced me as his co-worker.

In the car, they were talking and making plans which made me feel worse. I told my best friend about it and she took his wife's side, saying I shouldn't get involved; so I blocked her, as I was angry.

I took pictures of his wife when I saw her walking to his workplace, as she would come to meet him at work at times. She drives his car at times, too.

I got a ride two other times with them; however, the third time, he left something in the building and had to go back.

As soon as he left, I started laughing and said some women were really stupid.

Before I could say anything else, she said some people just play fool to catch wise just to see how far some desperate women will go.

I realised that she knew exactly what was happening. He came back in the car and we left. The next day, I realised he deleted my number.

I went to ask for a ride and he rejected me. I tried to be nice to him, but he was cold and told me that we should stay as co-workers.

I pushed myself on him physically and he pushed me off and told me that he had never cheated on his wife in their eight years together and that he flirts, but that's the reason why he never sent me nudes.

He told me that what they have built was something that no other female would build with a man, because she was there when he had nothing.

He told me no woman could get in between them as he wouldn't allow it. He said they talked and she told him that he must not carry me back near her.

I found out later that everyone at work knows and loves this woman. I feel foolish for thinking he would want me. I feel like a nobody. I feel like he did me wrong and I'm upset.

T. K.

Dear T.K.

This man did not push himself on you. You were trying to push yourself on him. He doesn't have much to be ashamed of. You should be ashamed of your behaviour. Leave the man alone.


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