I want a relationship with my sister

September 10, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am a fan of your work, wisdom, and advice sharing that has assisted us in many ways. I'm also appreciative of THE STAR, social media, and other media for allowing such incredible work to be public. Now, I guess it is my time to go public.

I was abandoned by my father when I was a few months old. I grew to know the guy, but we didn't have any kind of father-son relationship. As a matter a fact, the only time we exchanged words was the time that my half-sister visited him from college. My father was staying with his family in the same community, and whenever I saw him on the road walking in the opposite direction, he held his head straight like he didn't see me. Sometimes when I visited his side of the family that has accepted me as their nephew and/or cousin, he wouldn't even look at me.

I am not ugly, weird, nor have I done anything that would give him reasons to say that I am outside of the natural order. It was so weird to try to understand why he was ignoring me. My father was a thief and a conman, but didn't seem violent in any way. He seems to be on the quiet side. The only time he smiles was when my half-sister is around.

I have come to understand that he died and was buried on the same day that the information was presented to me, and my half-sister was the one who buried him. It didn't shock me when I became aware of his death, but it was hurtful to know that I didn't see him for the last time.

I have moved on and have tried many times to reach out to my half-sister to learn about her and the rest of my brothers and sisters who she may have known. However, I am convinced now that my half-sister doesn't want anything to do with me, and I didn't give her any reasons. The last time I saw her was the day I saw her with my father. It has been over a decade since my dad passed away.

I have pursued a bachelor's degree in engineering and have graduated with honours and currently working towards my career goals. I have dominated high school and community college with the highest averages, and success seems to follow me. So I am sure that there isn't anything that could have triggered my half-sister not to be interested in meeting me. She has a cousin-to-cousin relationship with one of my cousins that I have a good familial relationship with, but she has never tried to reach out to me even though I have tried many times.

My concerns are: Do you think I should continue to try reaching out to her, or should I just forget about her? Even though we are living in the same town, it has been more than 12 years since I last saw her.


Dear A.H.,

The best way to deal with your sister is to be nice to her whenever you see her, and whenever you are having any function in which you are involved, you may invite her to attend. You see, you have tried to reach out to her, but you do not know whether your father has told her and others that you are not his child. You believe that you are, but you cannot be sure what he told them. But it is likely that something was said to your sister and others.

I am glad that you have done very well and I trust that you would make an excellent contribution to society. I am sorry that you did not attend your father's funeral because you were unaware that he died. Take comfort in the fact that you know you have not done anything wrong and that you can go anywhere and not be ashamed of your name and the type of live you have lived. My prayers are with you. Please, pray for your sister.


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